Effective leaders move beyond empathy toward compassion. (2023)

For nearly two years, leaders have taken on the role of chief advisers, helping teams recover from the grief and loss of the pandemic, encouraging their employees' deteriorating mental health, being sensitive to people's fears, often sharing publicly their own vulnerabilities. In short, they carried a great emotional charge.

Of course, this kind of empathy is important for good leadership. But too much can be a problem and overwhelm you. So when we tell leaders that they really don't need to take on the struggles of the people they lead, it takes a huge weight off their shoulders.

Instead of carrying this burden of empathy, you can learn to experience heightened compassion. This is a big shift in how leaders interact with their teams, one that benefits all parties. It starts with understanding the difference between empathy and compassion.

Empathy and Compassion: What's the Difference?

Let's start with some definitions. The words "empathy" and "compassion", as well as "sympathy", are sometimes used interchangeably. They all represent positive and altruistic qualities, but they don't refer to exactly the same experience. It is helpful to consider the two distinct qualities of compassion: understanding what the other is feeling and a willingness to act to alleviate the other's suffering. The following image visually distinguishes compassion from the similar experiences of empathy, sympathy, and pity.

Below left we have pen. When we experience compassion, we have little willingness to act and little understanding of others' experiences. We just feel sorry for you. If we move the graph to the right, we experience sympathy. There is a slight increase in our willingness to help and our understanding of others. We feelforthe other person.

If we go one level higher, we arrive at empathy. With empathy, we have a close and visceral understanding of the other person's experience. We feelswindlerPerson. We literally take the other person's emotions and make them our own. While that's noble, it doesn't necessarily help the other person, except perhaps to make them feel less alone in their experience.

Finally, in the upper right corner, we have a good understanding of what the other person is experiencing.ja will to act. Our understanding of the other person's experience is greater than with empathy because we rely on our emotional awareness and rational understanding. Compassion arises when we step back from empathy and ask ourselves what we can do to support the suffering person. In this way, compassion is an intention as opposed to an emotion.

Why is it important?

Paul Polman, former CEO of Unilever, puts it this way: “If I led with empathy, I would never be able to make a single decision. Why? Because with empathy, I mirror the emotions of others, making it impossible to consider the greater good.

Paul is right. Despite its many benefits, empathy can be a poor guide for leaders.

Empathy often helps us do the right thing, but sometimes it motivates us to do the wrong thing. Research by Paul Bloom, Professor of Cognitive Science and Psychology at Yale University and author ofagainst empathy, found that empathy can distort our judgment. In their study, two groups of people listened to a recording of a terminally ill child describing his pain. One group was asked to identify and empathize with the child. The other group was instructed to listen objectively and not get emotionally involved. After listening to the recording, each person was asked if they could place the child on a doctor-managed priority treatment list. In the emotional group, three-quarters of participants chose to list them against the advice of medical professionals, which could put the sickest people at risk. In the target group, only a third of the participants made the same recommendation.

As a leader, empathy can cloud our judgment, foster prejudice, and make us less effective at making informed decisions. However, it should not be avoided completely. A leader without empathy is like an engine without a spark plug: it just won't start. Empathy is essential for connection, and then we can harness the spark to lead with compassion.

And herein lies the challenge for most leaders: we tend to get stuck in our empathy, which prevents us from moving on to compassion.

Avoid the empathy trap—and lead with compassion

Overcoming empathic abduction is a crucial skill for any leader. As you master this skill, you must remember that turning away from empathy does not make you any less human or less kind. Instead, it makes you better able to support people through tough times. Here are six key strategies for using empathy as a catalyst for leading with more compassion.

Take a mental and emotional step.

To avoid engaging in empathic abduction when you are with someone who is suffering, try to take a mental and emotional step. Step out of the emotional space to gain a clearer perspective on the situation and the person. Only with that perspective can you help. By creating this emotional distance, you may feel like you're not being nice. But remember, don't distance yourself from the person. Instead, step away from the problem so you can help solve it.

Ask what they need.

When you ask the simple question, "What do you need?" You've initiated a solution to the problem by giving the person a chance to think about what might be needed. This will give you better information on how you can help. And for the person who is hurting, the first step that can help is to feel heard and seen.

Remember the power of inaction.

Leaders are usually good at getting things done. But when it comes to people facing challenges, it's important to remember that in many cases, people don't need your solutions; They need your ear and your loving presence. Many problems just need to be heard and acknowledged. In this way, "doing nothing" can be the most powerful way to help.

Train the person to find their own solution.

Leadership is not about solving people's problems. It is about growing and developing people so that they become capable of solving their own problems. Avoid robbing people of this life-learning opportunity by solving their problems directly. Instead, train and guide them. Show them a way to find their own answers.

Practice self-care.

Show self-compassion by practicing authentic self-care. Dealing with your own feelings comes at the cost of dealing better with others. Often referred to as emotional labor, the task of absorbing, reflecting, and redirecting other people's feelings can be overwhelming. So as leaders, we need to practice self-care: taking breaks, sleeping and eating well, nurturing meaningful relationships, and practicing mindfulness. We need to find ways to stay resilient, grounded, and in tune with ourselves. When we show ourselves with these qualities in the workplace, people can lean on us and find solace and solace in our well-being.

This article is adapted fromCompassionate Leadership: How to Do Difficult Things Humanely por Rasmus Hougaard e Jacqueline Carter (Harvard Business Review Press 2022).